For a long time now, I’ve tried to distance myself from my illnesses. I guess this is partially from embarrassment, and partially from the stigma that comes with them.
The worst thing in the world (to me) is to be pitied, and when you’re chronically sick, it’s something that comes with the territory. Instead of asking you about your business, your hobbies, or your side projects, you’re constantly asked about your health.
And to be fair, it’s kind, and good to feel so loved sometimes. But its also hard when you work so hard to make your identity anything but the state of your health.
I’ve tried to live my life in two different boxes, healthy Linds and unhealthy Linds. When I’m good, I’m great, when I’m bad, I’m horrible. Its really how my life has ebbed and flowed naturally since I was a child, so I’m not too hard on myself for doing this as well.
The thing is, I’m slowly realizing that keeping these two worlds separate is selfish and unrealistic. It might sound odd to you, and maybe I’m articulating it in a funny way, but I frequently feel like I’m living a double life.
I preach on my channels all the time about the importance of wellness and mindfulness, while completely ignoring the second half of that in my own life when I get sick.
The reason I started this platform, back in the day, was to try to shine a light on chronic illnesses, autoimmune, and invisible diseases. I wanted other people to know that they weren’t alone, that even if no one in their circles saw what they were going through, I did, and I wanted to be there for them.
I started Wellness with Linds because I wanted to help, and I wanted to encourage. I wanted to teach people how to be their own advocates when it came to the healthcare system. I wanted to open people’s eyes to the damage that birth control can do longterm. I wanted to share my story in hopes that others would share theirs too.
And quite selfishly, I wanted to meet people that understood me.
Yet, here we are over a year later, and I feel lost with my platform. I feel lucky and blessed and honored that 13,000 people choose to follow along with my posts each day, and watch every story of me turning a beautiful coffee pour into a coffee spill, but I feel out of place.
I feel like if I’m honest about how dang hard it is to fight with your health all the time, then people won’t like me as much. And as a hardcore enneagram 3, this is definitely one of my biggest fears.
So, I guess I’ve been kind of nervous. I’ve been hesitant to share about the not so “well” side to wellness with Linds because I’m afraid people might not like it. Because while I do focus on finding joy through all things, there is a lot of darkness that comes with chronic diseases. And if I’m being honest, there is a lot of depression, anxiety, OCD, and genuine sadness that comes with being sick. It’s hard. It’s really hard, but its something that needs to be shared.
Because while there are hundreds of thousands of amazing cookie recipes from bloggers out there, the voice for the chronically ill is still so quiet.
I love cooking, I love baking, and I definitely will never stop making (and spilling) lattes, but I do want to make this space a little different. I want to talk about the pain, the struggles, and the prayer that keeps my life going. I want to discuss the reasons modern healthcare is so archaic, and how you can leverage your doctor for testing. I want to help.
I’ve been bumped in and out of doctors’ offices since I was a child. I know first hand how frustrating dealing with doctors can be, but I also know some pretty great tips and tricks in being your own advocate and getting ish done.
I know how painfully heart-breaking and desperately lonely it can be to deal with chronic illnesses, pain, or a poor immune system in general. But the one thing that has changed my whole perspective is the community that I have. Once I stopped trying to hide everything behind a cheery, joyous, and healthy facade, I started to learn just how crucial companionship is.
The other day, Dr. Caroline Leaf shared a graphic to Instagram that said, “Resilience rests on relationships,” and there is nothing truer.
The way we move through and weather stress, anxiety, struggles, pain, and all hard things in life comes down to who we surround ourselves with.
While it’s hard to befriend every person on the internet, I’d love for every person who is struggling with their health to feel known and seen in their pain. So while I can’t become friends with everyone, I hope this platform opens up freedom to reach out, or confide in one another.
That said, please reach out if any of this resonates with you, or if you just need a friend.
While I hope you stick around, I understand if you were here for recipes only, and don’t like all this health talk. And in that case, maybe just stick to my blog? I post every single one there <3
Thanks for reading, and thanks for always understanding.